Pondering life from 30,000 feet...

Currently en route back to NYC from Lala land... Had a great few days in LA with coworkers and a great meeting with a new client. Sitting at an outdoor cafe a few hours before boarding my flight back to the concrete jungle I had yet another epiphany about life. NYC is NOT the place for me. This time I mean it! I am beach person - always have been, always will be. I instantly feel better just knowing that the ocean is nearby...and when I can SEE it and SMELL it and FEEL it - I feel 100% at home. I guess techincally NYC is an island and the ocean is nearby, but dirt doesn't count as sand and for some reason there is no "ocean breeze" to be found...

When I think back on my years living by the beach in Narragansett, RI, Newport, RI and then again in Long Beach, NY - I realize I was A LOT more relaxed and "chill" and "easy-going"...

These words used to describe me but now I am just another nervous-nellie (as Carrie Kerpen my lovely boss calls me), high-strung, uptight, stressed out, negative-Nancy NY'er. Not cool :(

Yes, I moved to NYC to focus on my career, dream big, live the NYC life and expeience it all while I was young and uninhibited. But now I'm not so young, not so unihibited and fully aware that I can HAVE an amazing job and DO an amazing job from anywhere (well maybe not anywhere, but definitely from somewhere other than NYC...like say a beach town in Cali, New England or elsewhere...)

Will I feel this way tomorrow? Who knows... When I wake up tomorrow morning to the bustling scene of a NYC spring morning on the Upper West side and go get my morning coffee and bagel from Zabar's will I still feel like I need to immediately move to a beach town and chill down my lifestyle? Not sure... But for today - I have decided, in the words of the great Ray LaMontagne - "Gotta get out of New York City...New York City's killing me..."

Love...

One thing I decided my blog is lacking is photos... I'm really more of a words person than an artsy picturey type person but I do love taking pics and hope that I am getting more artistic with age! That being said, I'd like to integrate a lot more photography or at least fun moment-capturing pics into this blog. I also think it will help me "cheat" on days I don't have a lot of time to type a lengthy post - I'll just post a cool pic and a caption and be on my way :)

Anyway...

This picture might not seem like anything great but it was a moment in my weekend worth sharing so I thought I'd do so here.

My few and proud loyal readers know that my boyfriend currently lives in a far away land called Buffalo, NY. The long distance thing is hard and sometimes I turn all winey girl and admittedly make it even harder. Last night was one of those nights...

This morning I woke up to a rainy Sunday and my mood wasn't much better than the night before. But then I got a text from the bf telling me to check my twitter (editors note, FF is NOT a frequent tweeter by any stretch...) When I checked it this was the tweet I saw:

About 30 minutes later, french toast and coffee arrives from Big Daddy's. This little gesture made my heart melt (something I normally don't admit) because it was thoughtful and perfect and one of those "little things" that is really a big thing.

Also major bonus points for incorporating social media into it all! :)

The Dirty Thirty?

Is it? People make up all kinds of things these days to hide the fact that they are indeed, getting older, and yes, it kinda sucks! You hear, "40 is the new 30" but does anyone really know what this means?? What was the old 30 then?

My mantra in my post-25 years has always been, I got a late start on life, because in a way, I did. I feel behind the curve on the whole, marriage, kids, savings account, house, picket fence thing and feel like I'm running at about a 26/27 year-old pace right now, tops...

That being said, I have always been the type of gal that you'd expect to have a long "before I'm 30 list" and in fact, I used to have one until 30 started getting so damn close! At around 28 I abandoned the formal list realizing I was nowhere near on track to hit my once concrete "before I'm 30" milestones. I've decided that since 40 IS the new 30 (or whatever) I can give myself until I'm at least 35ish to accomplish my "before I'm 30(ish)" goals...

• TRAVEL (travel travel travel)
• Eliminate my credit card debt/raise my credit score
• Have a significant retirement plan of some sort (or as Phoebe Buffet on Friends called it, "a four-oh-wunk"...) {Editors Note - I actually thought I had crossed this one off my list but then found out that while I did open and put money in a ROTH IRA (so proud of myself btw) I actually didn't invest it into any funds so my money is just kinda chillin in there in the same way it would chill in my sock drawer...) but anyway, I digress...
• Have more of my writing published (ultimate dream is to write a book but realistically that will be a retirement project so I'd be happy with a column, article, etc.)
• Dare I say, own a home (or apt, or condo, or...boat?)
• Discover a NEW passion/hobby (as Ive gotten older I've tried to explore new things beyond my old standbys of: beach, music, writing, reading but haven't found anything that really rocks my world yet - suggestions welcome!)

You'll notice that the whole married with kids thing is missing from this list - it's NOT because I don't want that or see it in my future (because I totally do) it's more that I don't want to put it on a list, especially a list that is about me and my personal long term goals and accomplishments.

The other night I was out at a sophisticated club having dinner, drinking good wine and listening to good music. I was caught in the moment and thinking to myself, this is happiness -good food, good wine, good music and good company - don't need much else. Sitting beside me was a child no more than 12 or 13 who looked miserable. She was bored out of her mind and probably silently cursing her parents (also enjoying themselves) for making her "suffer" at this place. If my life had sub-titles, that scene would read "Allie realizes she's an adult now." Guess I'm catching up to my actual age afterall these days...

Getting back on the (blogging) horse...

It's been nearly 6 months since my last post! So long in fact, that I contemplated trashing this blog all together and starting over again. But then I read through the last three years of blog posts (I started this blog back in January of 2008) and realized there is some great stuff on here and I owe it myself and my short list of readers to get back to bloggin'! While reading through old posts, I was able to take a trip down memory lane and relive some really life changing milestones over the past few years. Meeting my boyfriend, changing jobs, adjusting to living in NYC, and missing old friends have all been documented, and after re-reading years later, I was brought back to specific places and moments with vivid clarity.

Ironically, one of my first blog posts, written on February 2nd, 2008, mentions a "neighbor" who is now my boyfriend of almost 3 years. Read the post here if you ever wondered about one of FF and I's first encounters...

As you can imagine, a lot has happened to me in the last 6 months and I'm not going to re-hash it all now. One thing that has inspired me to resurrect this blog though, I will share now. A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to go on a cruise with my entire company. We shared a lot about our goals and dreams and I shared my goal to one-day write a book that incorporates a lot of my life stories including my crazy college tales, my summers spent in Newport, RI and my years working at 2 different bowling alleys, as a jell-O shot-girl , a magazine intern, a cocktail waitress, a freelance writer, a publicist...the list goes on. Needless to say, I've been told many times after sharing a funny story or two with new friends, "you need to write a book."

As I shared this passion and dream with my co-workers, many who know my quite well by now, I realized that I have put that dream on the back burner in recent months and have been very caught up in the sometimes "rat-race" of living and working in NYC. I love my job, but haven't stopped to make time for my passions in a while. That being said, as I approach the big 3-0 this summer and come to terms with the fact that many of the things I long ago thought I would have accomplished by 30 may not happen, I am going to focus on accomplishing them in due time, at my own pace, in my own way.

I always tell people that I "got a late start in life" because I didn't get a full-time job until the age of 26. So to be fair, my "by the time I'm 30" list really deserves at least a couple year extension!

On the top of my list is making more time for writing and travel. As I enter a new age bracket, I plan on solidifying these goals and making an iron-clad strategy for accomplishing them. Join me?

life on the bus...

More and more of my blog posts lately are either A) about riding the bus or B) mentally written while ON the bus. What can I say, riding the bus brings a whole new element to my life!

Tonight I worked late and took the cross town bus home at 10pm. I started walking but then saw the glorious lights of the bus coming my way and couldn't resist its appeal after a long day at the office, two slices of peperoni pizza and a big gulp sized Coors Light (thank you for existing Pronto Pizza). Anywhere else in the world, 10pm on a Monday is probably a pretty quiet time, but not in NYC! Sometimes you really lose all sense of time and "normal" business hours living here...the bus was full of people in office attire or with shopping bags and if it wasn't dark out, you'd think it was 5pm by the energy and buzz in the air. It *almost" makes working until 10pm bearable when you realize that everyone else in this city is working too much, sleeping too little and generally living a lifestyle that by any other standards would be considered "nuts." (For example, Buffalo, where the bf lives, and the land of a 5pm dinner time and a 9pm bedtime!)

One final fun bus story. A few nights ago after yet another sprint to catch a pulling away bus, I did that awkward "running in heels with my oversized purse" things that girls do and that generally looks ridiculous and probably doesn't actually get you there faster than walking...anyway, long story short, I made the bus and just as I was swiping my card and the doors were closing, a guy popped his head into the bus nearly getting decapitated by the door to say "hey great run, that was impressive doll." You just can't make this stuff up folks!

Life: The unedited version...

Why haven't I written for literally months? Why do perfectly blog-worthy experiences come and go without a word typed? What's my excuse? What's my deal?

Well a) I'm busy b) I have been deferring to my "private" blog AKA my little notebook of thoughts that I use to express the things I don't quite feel comfortable dumping here c) busy again d) lazy (yeah...it's true)

I'm back with a vengeance though and probably a very lengthy ramble of thoughts, observations and general rant to the blogosphere...

How come some days I feel really proud of my life accomplishments and where I am (location-wise and "metaphorically") and other days I find myself lying awake in a panic thinking I've gotten it all wrong. Like wrong career, wrong city, wrong everything! How come I am constantly in a love/hate/really hate/really love relationship with this gosh darned city!

Exhibit A: Today at approximately 6:44 pm I was nearly killed. No really, I escaped death by a really narrow margin and somehow brushed it off until writing this post. I was crossing 34th street at Herald square, AKA, the busiest intersection in NYC, if not the world, in the pouring rain with a giant umbrella, a mob of other people with their giant umbrellas AND a giant bus obstructing my view of the crosswalk light when I stupidly followed the crowd in front of me and began to cross. ALL OF THE SUDDEN I was literally thisclose to be mowed down by not one, but TWO cross-town buses only to make it past those and literally have to stop a car WITH MY HAND illegally turning INTO ME! Sorry for all the ridiculous punctuation but for real! So anyway, I lived to tell the tale AND I made the M-16 bus as a result of my ridiculous "misjudgment" of the traffic. (Mom, I know if you're reading this you are probably freaking out by my carelessness but don't worry - lesson learned!) Once I got on the bus BTW, it was SO packed with angry, wet, crazy, oversized-umbrella-yielding New Yorkers that I just had to laugh. Why are NY'ers SO uptight?? And why am I becoming uptight after 25 plus years of being the most carefree person ever. Yikes!

Exhibit B: Spent this past weekend in Newport, RI, my "happy place" and was quickly telaported back to a time when life was easy all the time. It's weird because when I lived there I WAS happy but I was also searching for something else, something more, something I was SURE was in NYC...now, I'm not so sure...

Exhibit C: After getting my tooth-pulled a few days ago I was craving one thing and one thing only - A Wendy's Frosty! After a long day at work, I decided to reward myself with a quick late-afternoon trip to Wendy's (the one across from the Empire State Building and riddled with tourists, homeless people and other assorted characters...). Well, there I am waiting patiently on line A when the register in front of me opens up and I place my order of "One Medium FROS--"YO MISS, WHAT THE {EXPLETIVE DELETED}! I'M NEXT!" I am then pushed aside and crazy man from Line B starts rattling off his long and random order to the shocked clerk with the facial piercings. The best part was how I looked back at the line for moral support and no one even looked at me. Long story short, I held back my tears, got my frosty and got the heck out of there!

OK, I realize my three exhibits didn't exactly exhibit much other than my randomness and slight craziness but my point was that living in NYC on a day-to-day basis can be amazing, inspiring, career-changing, etc. but it can also be scary, overwhelming and stifling. So I ask myself, do I want the ocean, the no-worries, the simple life or do I want the lights, the sirens, the ladder climbing, the "dream?" It really depends which day you ask me!

Being a grown-up...

Lately I've really started to feel like a "grown-up"...I guess at 29, it's about time!

Things that make me feel mature (note I said "mature" and NOT old!):

• Being okay with spending a Friday night in (or actually preferring to do so!)

• Thinking about a financial plan for the future, ie. saving to buy a house, get married (gasp!), putting money away for retirement (whoa...)

• Actually being able to picture myself settled down in a real house with a kitchen table and welcome mat and ideally even a backyard (all those things you don't get as a renter/nomad! Since college I think I've lived in approximately 9 different apartments..I may be ready for a permanant address...)

• Being in a book club (personally, I don't think this makes me old but some of my co-workers disagree!)

I'm sure there are a lot more to add to this list because recently I've really started feeling like I'm finally "acting my age." This is definitely not a bad thing and I keep reminding myself that 29 is still totally young and I have a long and fun life ahead. I think because up until recently, I was a few years behind maturity-wise, and now I suddenly feel like I aged about 10 years in a few months (Those that knew me from about 18-26ish can attest to my slightly sub-par maturity level)! When I look back at the carefree life I used to lead, I often feel a tinge of nostalgia, but then I look at how far I've come and the life I've made for myself and realize that I've really "come into my own" and "found myself" and all those other cliche things. Of course, somedays I wouldn't mind going back to my Newport days where my only concern was making sure I had clean black pants for my waitressing shift that night, and what bar I'd be sipping cocktails at after my shift...BUT...I can say with about 98% certainty that taking a leap of faith and coming back to NY was the right choice...AND...that I will be successful (ahem, rich) and happy (cough, rich) and healthy (and rich) if I continue to take chances, work hard and stay true to myself. And, if things don't work out, I have a backup plan--three words, EAT, PRAY, LOVE :)